Our self esteem is instilled in us during our youth. Being constantly criticized by family, friends, and society tends to slowly strip us of our feelings of self worth. Our low self esteem strips us of our self confidence to make even the smallest of decisions. We think little of ourselves, and feel we do not deserve to be happy. Improving your self esteem increases your confidence and is a first step towards finding happiness and a better life. You gain this confidence by believing that you are unique, you are special, and that you deserve to have your dreams come true!
Steps
1. Start from within. Ignore any and all destructive criticism or insults, including any from your past; your opinion of yourself is the most important opinion of all, because you know yourself better than anyone else. Many of us have been hurt by others at some time. It is crucial NOT to internalize that abuse and let them continue to hurt us, because that is, in fact, letting them win. But if we let go of the past and ignore hurtful negativity, and make ourselves happy, then we win.
2. Be critical of criticism. People who compliment you or criticize you are equally likely to be right or wrong. Most of the time they're wrong anyway. You can choose to accept and believe compliments, but question critical comments as to whether they're true, useful and helpful, your confidence and belief in yourself will rise. Remember that "slant" is everything. When people who compliment you on something and criticize you for it agree on something, it's probably true. "She's so voluptuous." "He's so single-minded." Decide for yourself if you like that trait or want to tone it down a bit, based on whether you get more out of being the way you are or whether you'd be happier with the change.
3. Tell yourself that you are a wonderful person who DESERVES to be happy. And believe it. Make a list of all the things you like about yourself. And if you've made mistakes that prevent you from believing that you deserve to be happy, take measures to relieve that guilt: apologize to people you may have hurt (if possible), learn from those mistakes, and most importantly, forgive yourself.
Start with the small things to gain confidence.4. Start with the small things to gain confidence. Take small steps and make small choices to gain confidence in your ability to make a decision. As you become secure in your ability to make good choices, you will gain confidence in yourself, and be more secure about your abilities in general.
- For example, if purchasing jeans makes you anxious because of the plethora of brands, colors, and styles, then just go with your instincts. Trust yourself and go with whatever feels right to you. And if, in retrospect, you really feel you made a wrong decision, the situation can be easily rectified by exchanging the jeans. However, try to stick to your original choice.
- Buy a shirt next, to go with the jeans. Take your time trying on different styles and colors. When you feel a bit of excitement inside of you, you will know you are making a good decision, so buy it. It is that inner feeling that will help you build self-confidence. You will begin to think, 'If I can do this well, I can do other things well too!'
- Wear your new jeans and shirt the next time you go to meet friends. Show off your outfit. Smile and be proud of yourself because you took the first step of many in gaining confidence in yourself via your ability to make decisions. The new found confidence comes from your willingness to assert yourself and make a simple decision.
5. Don't always try to please others. It is great to be considerate of others, but think before sacrificing your own needs to please them. It's completely rational to want to help a loved one or a friend, since that person contributes something to your life. But bending over backwards for strangers, mere acquaintances, or people you don't trust may leave you with the short end of the stick. In short, don't allow yourself to be used.
6. Be your own person. Don't try to copy anyone else. You will be at your best when you are being yourself because of your uniqueness. Strive to be your best, do not criticize yourself if you fall short of your expectations.
7. Avoid negative people. People who have a negative attitude which may rub off on you are not good for you. If you're timid, loud and aggressive people are probably not good for you, and vice versa. Whatever you do, do not compare yourself to others. Just be the best that you can be.
8. Face your fears and learn from your failures. We only fail when we do not make the best out of adversity. When something doesn't go the way we would like it to, there is something to be learned from that, which can be applied next time you are in a similar situation. Get up and try again.
9. Stop the negative thoughts. Try positive thinking on for size. The term “self-fulfilling prophecy” in relation to self-esteem basically states that whatever you believe about you, whether it be perfect or totally off base, becomes true. If you constantly tell yourself you are stupid or that you will never achieve success, you will in turn act as such. So, make a habit out of saying positive things about yourself and use the self-fulfilling prophecy to your advantage. Look in a mirror and see the good things such as if you have big brown eyes say "Wow I have big cute brown eyes!" or "My freckles are so cute!" Don't stare at yourself or examine yourself from various angles, searching for flaws. Instead, smile at yourself! THAT is who you really are.
10. Improve your self confidence. You can do this by simply doing things that you make you feel good, like accomplishing something. Accomplishment is the key ingredient to gaining self confidence. Just do it, don't worry about making mistakes. We all make mistakes.
11. Do something to impress yourself. Volunteer at a homeless shelter or vet's office. Be a Big Brother or Sister. Help someone else. Nothing makes you feel better about yourself than seeing how your help can make someone else's load a little lighter. Take a class, study hard, and pass - learn something useful or interesting. It could be photography, oil painting, a literature appreciation class, or beginning guitar. You can do a daring feat: bungee jump off a bridge, skydive, go hang gliding (all with a guide, of course). Or you can do something adventurous. Put past events and thoughts out of your mind and enjoy the moment. Your accomplishment raises self-esteem by raising self confidence.
12. Don't worry about being "perfect." Aiming for perfection in life is a lost cause because it is different things to different people. Nobody is perfect in the eyes of everyone else, so by trying to be perfect you set yourself up for disappointment and failure. Instead, seek to achieve goals. For example, take a class in the visual arts. The visual arts allow you to explore yourself and find "perfection" in "imperfections". This self exploration, artistic knowledge, and the accomplishment of finishing the class can do wonders for your self-esteem.
13. Learn to appreciate yourself. Everyone has strengths, weaknesses, habits, and principles that define who you are and can make you distinctive. Spend more time focusing on the qualities about yourself that you like and less on the ones that you dislike. You can better accomplish this by taking up hobbies and projects that you can do that will make use of your strengths. Additionally, by starting on some projects that emphasize your good traits, it will keep you busy so you will end up spending less time thinking about your weaknesses.
14. Reward yourself when you succeed. Bask in the glow of your successes. You deserve to have your dreams, and you can make them come true. Believe in yourself completely, and others will also believe and trust in you. When you accomplish something always treat yourself to something wonderful.
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