Saturday 20 August 2011

THE REAL YOU

In the school of life I sometimes withdraw and sit back at the observers’ row. For me such times are really refreshing and enlightening because it is at times like these that I have learnt key lessons which have shaped my perspectives and approach to life.
One particular area that I have observed with particularly interest is man’s discovery of purpose – a realization and acceptance of that thing that he believes he has been placed on earth to do. Over time I have identified it as the key ingredient that separates the men from the boys, that thing that makes the great men of this world bounce back after life deals them a heavy blow. It is that thing that sets the limits to a man’s greatness in life.
Have you ever asked yourself how a boy who grew up in a poor family amidst abject poverty could grow up to become a consultant to governments and corporations, a successful business man, the Pastor of the largest church in his country, the owner of 2 private jets, a bestselling author, etc (Myles Munroe). Or how a prisoner can grow to become a president and one of the world’s most influential individuals (Nelson Mandela). Or how a foreign slave can rise to become the most influential and second most powerful individual on the surface of the earth (Joseph the son of Jacob and Prime Minister of Egypt)? If you take a close look at these 3 great men you would see that one thing they all have in common is their humble beginning. If you ask me what the underlining factor was I would say a clear sense of purpose. I would like to discuss this using a concept I developed – What vs. Who.
In Nigeria today, if a man walks arrogantly into a room and someone sitting close to you asks who the heck the man is, you probably would say he is the MD of XYZ Company or he is the son of the Governor of ABC State. In your mind and probably in that of the questioner that is “Who” the person is and so he has the right to carry himself with such pride and arrogance. My question to such an answer would be “what if he is sacked as the MD of XYZ, who he would be? or What if his father is impeached or assassinated tomorrow, who would he be?” After thinking for a while the answer I get is “nobody”. This distorted notion of “Who” a man really is resides at the core of most self esteem issue in Nigeria today and probably the world at large.
In my opinion that is “What” he is! And that only being a temporary position in life. “Who” he is the space or position he was born to occupy – e.g. a teacher, a leader, an entrepreneur, etc. Who he is is that which he exhibits right from his childhood with little or no effort; it is that calling, that thing that sticks with him all through his life journey. Some kids are just fun to be with, they make everyone around them laugh, even in the saddest of situations. Such kids may eventually grow to become the Alli Babas and Steve Harveys (comedians) of this world. Others may find themselves automatically functioning as leaders where ever they find themselves – Class monitor is elementary school, Class Captain in Secondary/High School, Class Chairman in University/College, etc. They are leaders. That is who they are. Some people are dancers; they have rhythm in every cell of their bodies! Others are singers, writers, chefs, fashion designers, etc. That, in most cases, is the field they would function, excel and die in. That is the field from which the world would know them.
A man who must achieve his full potential and attain extraordinary heights in life must have a clear understanding of who he is; a clear understanding of the space he has been called to function in. Such a deep and complete revelation can only come from the creator. Looking else where for that definition would only grossly understate who he really is. Other sources would not know the secret weapons concealed in your being by the creator which can only be activated by him in the right season. Who would have looked at a man who stammers and say he could become one of the greatest political leaders that would ever walk the surface of this earth (Moses, the prince of Egypt). But the creator knew what he deposited in him and activated it when the time of need came. That is why it is mediocre to place value on a man based on your perception of his external condition and appearance.
Your “What” at different points in life may not count for much and sometimes may appear dishonourable and beneath you but you must always make sure your “Who” is intact and unaffected by anything external for that is your anchor. You All you need to do is discover “Who” you are and keep working at it until your “What” becomes your “Who”.
Before I rest my case I would like to take a look at Joseph “the dreamer” in the bible. While he slept the creator communicated “Who” he was to him – a great leader before whom great men would bow. At that point his “What” was a far cry from from his “Who” as he was a spoilt brat in his father’s house. Then out of jealousy his brothers sold him out and he became a slave of the Ishmaelites. He must have demonstrated some sort of leadership amongst the other slaves to have been selected by Potiphar a highly placed government official. In Potiphar’s house his “What” was never strong enough to eclipse his “Who” and as a result he became the leader of Potiphar household that even Potiphar’s wife could not help but have a strong crush on him. That crush landed him in prison. But even in prison “What” he was (a prisoner) could not eclipse “Who” he was (a great leader). The prison warden could not help but put him in charge of the whole prison. Eventually he became the great leader before whom great men bowed (including Potiphar and his elder brothers). At the point “What” he was became “Who” he was. And that was what/who he was till his death. So imagine you went to visit Joseph in Potiphar’s house, you would not be able to help but notice a bright young man with a very healthy dose of self esteem. Or in prison, he must have come across as a very graceful prisoner who is confident and oblivious of his pitiful situation. That is what a clear understanding of your “Who” would do for you.
My admonishment is this:
  1. Find out, acknowledge and accept “Who” you are as declare by God your creator
  2. Meditate on it until you become that person on the inside
  3. Regardless of your “What” on the outside, never loose sight of “Who” you are
  4. Keep working and investing in “Who” you are and one day it would become “what” you really are
Remember “What” you are is just a another bus stop in life. It is not your destination. So stay on the bus long enough and you would reach your final destination – “Who” you are.
I wish you Success

Victor Aigbomian

List of English proverbs with their meaning.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
    When you are away from someone you love, you love them even more.
Accidents will happen.
    Some unfortunate events must be accepted as inevitable.
Actions speak louder than words.
    What a person actually does is more important that what they say they will do.
 Advice is cheap.
    It doesn't cost anything to offer advice.
Advice is least heeded when most needed.
   When a problem is serious, people often do not follow the advice given.
Advisers run no risks.
    It's easier to give advice than to act.
All cats are grey in the dark.
    People are undistinguished until they have made a name.
All good things come to those who wait.
    Patience brings rewards.
All that glitters is not gold.
    Appearances can be deceptive.
All days are short to Industry and long to Idleness.
    Time goes by slowly when you have nothing to do.
All is fair in love and war
    Things that are done  in love or war can often be excused.

All's well that ends well
    There is a solution to everything even though there are doubts.
All that glitters is not gold.
    What look good on the outside may not be so in reality.
All things grow with time - except grief.
    As time goes by, grief subsides little by little.
All things are difficult before they are easy.
    With practice things become easier.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
    Everybody needs a certain amount of relaxation.  It is not good to work all
    the time;
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
    Eating an apple every day can help to keep you healthy.
    Other interpretation: A small preventive treatment wards off serious problems.
An empty purse frightens away friends.
    When one's financial situation deteriorates, friends tend to disappear.
An Englishman's home is his castle.
  An Englishman's home is a place where he feels safe, enjoys privacy and can do
  as he wishes.
An idle brain is the devil's workshop.
    When you work you avoid temptation.
An onion a day keeps everyone away.
    A humoristic version of "an apple a day..."
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
    It is easier to prevent something from happening than to repair the damage or
   cure the disease later.
Anger is the one thing made better by delay.
    When you are angry, it is best not to speak or act immediately.
Any time means no time.
    If the date of an event remains vague, it will never happen.
April showers bring May flowers.
    Something bad or unpleasant today may bring good things in the future.
A bad tree does not yield good apples.
    A bad parent does not raise good children.
A bad workman blames his tools.
    Blaming the tools for bad workmanship is an excuse for lack of skill.
A bird in hand is worth two in a bush.
    It's better to keep what you have than to risk losing it by searching for something
    better.
A broken friendship may be soldered but will never be sound.
    Friendships can be rebuilt after a dispute but will never be as strong as before.
A burden of one's own choice is not felt.
    Something difficult seems easier when it is done voluntarily.
A burnt  child dreads the fire.
    A bad experience will make people stay away from certain things.
A cat has nine lives.
    1) Cats can survive many accidents because they land on their feet without injury.
    2) Three lives = 3 years to play, 3 years to stray, 3 years to stay.
A chain is no stronger than its weakest link.
    The strength of a group depends on each individual member.
A change is as good as a rest.
    A change in routine is often as refreshing as a break or a holiday.
A dry March, a wet April and a cool May fill barn and cellar and bring much hay.
    Harvest predictions according to the weather.
A fault confessed is half redressed.
    Confession is the beginning of forgiveness.
A flower blooms more than once.
    If you miss an occasion, you can avail of it at another time.
A fool and his money are soon (easily) parted.
    A foolish person usually spends money carelessly.
A fool at forty is a fool forever.
    If a person hasn't matured by the age of 40, they never will.
A friend in need is a friend indeed.
    Someone who helps you when you are in trouble is a real friend.

How to Develop Self Esteem

Our self esteem is instilled in us during our youth. Being constantly criticized by family, friends, and society tends to slowly strip us of our feelings of self worth. Our low self esteem strips us of our self confidence to make even the smallest of decisions. We think little of ourselves, and feel we do not deserve to be happy. Improving your self esteem increases your confidence and is a first step towards finding happiness and a better life. You gain this confidence by believing that you are unique, you are special, and that you deserve to have your dreams come true!

Steps

1.             Start from within. Ignore any and all destructive criticism or insults, including any from your past; your opinion of yourself is the most important opinion of all, because you know yourself better than anyone else. Many of us have been hurt by others at some time. It is crucial NOT to internalize that abuse and let them continue to hurt us, because that is, in fact, letting them win. But if we let go of the past and ignore hurtful negativity, and make ourselves happy, then we win.
2.             Be critical of criticism. People who compliment you or criticize you are equally likely to be right or wrong. Most of the time they're wrong anyway. You can choose to accept and believe compliments, but question critical comments as to whether they're true, useful and helpful, your confidence and belief in yourself will rise. Remember that "slant" is everything. When people who compliment you on something and criticize you for it agree on something, it's probably true. "She's so voluptuous." "He's so single-minded." Decide for yourself if you like that trait or want to tone it down a bit, based on whether you get more out of being the way you are or whether you'd be happier with the change.
3.             Tell yourself that you are a wonderful person who DESERVES to be happy. And believe it. Make a list of all the things you like about yourself. And if you've made mistakes that prevent you from believing that you deserve to be happy, take measures to relieve that guilt: apologize to people you may have hurt (if possible), learn from those mistakes, and most importantly, forgive yourself.
Start with the small things to gain confidence.
4.             Start with the small things to gain confidence. Take small steps and make small choices to gain confidence in your ability to make a decision. As you become secure in your ability to make good choices, you will gain confidence in yourself, and be more secure about your abilities in general.
    • For example, if purchasing jeans makes you anxious because of the plethora of brands, colors, and styles, then just go with your instincts. Trust yourself and go with whatever feels right to you. And if, in retrospect, you really feel you made a wrong decision, the situation can be easily rectified by exchanging the jeans. However, try to stick to your original choice.
    • Buy a shirt next, to go with the jeans. Take your time trying on different styles and colors. When you feel a bit of excitement inside of you, you will know you are making a good decision, so buy it. It is that inner feeling that will help you build self-confidence. You will begin to think, 'If I can do this well, I can do other things well too!'
    • Wear your new jeans and shirt the next time you go to meet friends. Show off your outfit. Smile and be proud of yourself because you took the first step of many in gaining confidence in yourself via your ability to make decisions. The new found confidence comes from your willingness to assert yourself and make a simple decision.
5.             Don't always try to please others. It is great to be considerate of others, but think before sacrificing your own needs to please them. It's completely rational to want to help a loved one or a friend, since that person contributes something to your life. But bending over backwards for strangers, mere acquaintances, or people you don't trust may leave you with the short end of the stick. In short, don't allow yourself to be used.
6.             Be your own person. Don't try to copy anyone else. You will be at your best when you are being yourself because of your uniqueness. Strive to be your best, do not criticize yourself if you fall short of your expectations.
7.             Avoid negative people. People who have a negative attitude which may rub off on you are not good for you. If you're timid, loud and aggressive people are probably not good for you, and vice versa. Whatever you do, do not compare yourself to others. Just be the best that you can be.
8.             Face your fears and learn from your failures. We only fail when we do not make the best out of adversity. When something doesn't go the way we would like it to, there is something to be learned from that, which can be applied next time you are in a similar situation. Get up and try again.
9.             Stop the negative thoughts. Try positive thinking on for size. The term “self-fulfilling prophecy” in relation to self-esteem basically states that whatever you believe about you, whether it be perfect or totally off base, becomes true. If you constantly tell yourself you are stupid or that you will never achieve success, you will in turn act as such. So, make a habit out of saying positive things about yourself and use the self-fulfilling prophecy to your advantage. Look in a mirror and see the good things such as if you have big brown eyes say "Wow I have big cute brown eyes!" or "My freckles are so cute!" Don't stare at yourself or examine yourself from various angles, searching for flaws. Instead, smile at yourself! THAT is who you really are.
10.          Improve your self confidence. You can do this by simply doing things that you make you feel good, like accomplishing something. Accomplishment is the key ingredient to gaining self confidence. Just do it, don't worry about making mistakes. We all make mistakes.
11.          Do something to impress yourself. Volunteer at a homeless shelter or vet's office. Be a Big Brother or Sister. Help someone else. Nothing makes you feel better about yourself than seeing how your help can make someone else's load a little lighter. Take a class, study hard, and pass - learn something useful or interesting. It could be photography, oil painting, a literature appreciation class, or beginning guitar. You can do a daring feat: bungee jump off a bridge, skydive, go hang gliding (all with a guide, of course). Or you can do something adventurous. Put past events and thoughts out of your mind and enjoy the moment. Your accomplishment raises self-esteem by raising self confidence.
12.          Don't worry about being "perfect." Aiming for perfection in life is a lost cause because it is different things to different people. Nobody is perfect in the eyes of everyone else, so by trying to be perfect you set yourself up for disappointment and failure. Instead, seek to achieve goals. For example, take a class in the visual arts. The visual arts allow you to explore yourself and find "perfection" in "imperfections". This self exploration, artistic knowledge, and the accomplishment of finishing the class can do wonders for your self-esteem.
13.          Learn to appreciate yourself. Everyone has strengths, weaknesses, habits, and principles that define who you are and can make you distinctive. Spend more time focusing on the qualities about yourself that you like and less on the ones that you dislike. You can better accomplish this by taking up hobbies and projects that you can do that will make use of your strengths. Additionally, by starting on some projects that emphasize your good traits, it will keep you busy so you will end up spending less time thinking about your weaknesses.
14.          Reward yourself when you succeed. Bask in the glow of your successes. You deserve to have your dreams, and you can make them come true. Believe in yourself completely, and others will also believe and trust in you. When you accomplish something always treat yourself to something wonderful.

YOU’RE NOT AN ACCIDENT TO GOD!

If ye then, being evil know how to give good gift unto your children, how much more shall your father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? (Matthew 7:11).

H
ave you ever though of the fact that you didn’t on your own plan to be born into this world? There was no discussion between you and your parents or between you and God before you were born.
You found yourself here, and it was definitely not by chance. God brought you here. This sure means He must have had plan for your life – He was not taken by surprise when you were born!

This is why the Psalmist said “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit them together in my mother’s womb… you saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your book!’ (Psalm 139:13&16 TLB). God is a master-planner and He certainly couldn’t have brought you here to struggle and suffer through life.

This was the same thought the Lord Jesus passed across in Matthew 7:11 when He said “if ye then, being evil, know how to give good gift unto your children, how much more shall your father which is heaven give good things to them that ask him?” He was saying in other words that natural or biological parents cannot care or love their children more than God loves them. God planned for you! Believe this simple though and it will change your life in instant.

If your earthly parents cared enough about you to provide food, shelter and education for you, if they burnt both ends of the candle to ensure you were comfortable, God has an even better and greater plan for you. The one who gave you to your parents must desire even more for you. Refuse to suffer and refuse to struggle or beg in life. Every need that you have has been provided for you in Christ; You have to wake up to this realization and begin to enjoy your life.

Wish you the best

Build Self Confidence

Self confidence is the difference between feeling unstoppable and feeling scared out of your wits. Your perception of yourself has an enormous impact on how others perceive you. Perception is reality — the more self confidence you have, the more likely it is you’ll succeed.
Although many of the factors affecting self confidence are beyond your control, there are a number of things you can consciously do to build self confidence. By using these 10 strategies you can get the mental edge you need to reach your potential.

1. Dress Sharp
Although clothes don’t make the man, they certainly affect the way he feels about himself. No one is more conscious of your physical appearance than you are. When you don’t look good, it changes the way you carry yourself and interact with other people. Use this to your advantage by taking care of your personal appearance. In most cases, significant improvements can be made by bathing and shaving frequently, wearing clean clothes, and being cognizant of the latest styles.
This doesn’t mean you need to spend a lot on clothes. One great rule to follow is “spend twice as much, buy half as much”. Rather than buying a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as many select, high quality items. In long run this decreases spending because expensive clothes wear out less easily and stay in style longer than cheap clothes. Buying less also helps reduce the clutter in your closet.
2. Walk Faster
One of the easiest ways to tell how a person feels about herself is to examine her walk. Is it slow? tired? painful? Or is it energetic and purposeful? People with confidence walk quickly. They have places to go, people to see, and important work to do. Even if you aren’t in a hurry, you can increase your self confidence by putting some pep in your step. Walking 25% faster will make to you look and feel more important.

3. Good Posture

Similarly, the way a person carries herself tells a story. People with slumped shoulders and lethargic movements display a lack of self confidence. They aren’t enthusiastic about what they’re doing and they don’t consider themselves important. By practicing good posture, you’ll automatically feel more confident. Stand up straight, keep your head up, and make eye contact. You’ll make a positive impression on others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.
4. Personal Commercial
One of the best ways to build confidence is listening to a motivational speech. Unfortunately, opportunities to listen to a great speaker are few and far between. You can fill this need by creating a personal commercial. Write a 30-60 second speech that highlights your strengths and goals. Then recite it in front of the mirror aloud (or inside your head if you prefer) whenever you need a confidence boost.
5. Gratitude
When you focus too much on what you want, the mind creates reasons why you can’t have it. This leads you to dwell on your weaknesses. The best way to avoid this is consciously focusing on gratitude. Set aside time each day to mentally list everything you have to be grateful for. Recall your past successes, unique skills, loving relationships, and positive momentum. You’ll be amazed how much you have going for you and motivated to take that next step towards success.
6. Compliment other people
When we think negatively about ourselves, we often project that feeling on to others in the form of insults and gossip. To break this cycle of negativity, get in the habit of praising other people. Refuse to engage in backstabbing gossip and make an effort to compliment those around you. In the process, you’ll become well liked and build By looking for the best in others, you indirectly bring out the best in yourself.
7. Sit in the front row

In schools, offices, and public assemblies around the world, people constantly strive to sit at the back of the room. Most people prefer the back because they’re afraid of being noticed. This reflects a lack of self confidence. By deciding to sit in the front row, you can get over this irrational fear and build your self confidence. You’ll also be more visible to the important people talking from the front of the room.

8. Speak up
During group discussions many people never speak up because they’re afraid that people will judge them for saying something stupid. This fear isn’t really justified. Generally, people are much more accepting than we imagine. In fact most people are dealing with the exact same fears. By making an effort to speak up at least once in every group discussion, you’ll become a better public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a leader by your peers.
9. Work out
Along the same lines as personal appearance, physical fitness has a huge effect on self confidence. If you’re out of shape, you’ll feel insecure, unattractive, and less energetic. By working out, you improve your physcial appearance, energize yourself, and accomplish something positive. Having the discipline to work out not only makes you feel better, it creates positive momentum that you can build on the rest of the day.
10. Focus on contribution
Too often we get caught up in our own desires. We focus too much on ourselves and not enough on the needs of other people. If you stop thinking about yourself and concentrate on the contribution you’re making to the rest of the world, you won’t worry as much about you own flaws. This will increase self confidence and allow you to contribute with maximum efficiency. The more you contribute to the world the more you’ll be rewarded with personal success and recognition.

“Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now, with each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful”.